FEATURED PHOTO’S BY ALEXANDER SNEL
If you follow me for a while now, it will not be too surprising when I tell you that I’m pretty open-minded. I am open about sex, mental health and stuff like that, because I think they’re very important topics to talk about. The fact that society deems it to be taboo, is not going to make me hold my breath.
– trigger warning-
In this post I’m talking openly about feminism, sex and fetishes.
If you are uncomfortable with either of those subjects, I’d recommend you to click away.
HOW TO BE A SEXUALLY EMPOWERED FEMINST
In this type of article called Braincracking, I address what’s on my mind, and also questions I get from readers or people I meet in other ways, that get me thinking. Yesterday a reader sent me an email where they asked how i’m so sexually empowered and how they could move towards that as well. So here we go!
Sex is a difficult subject to talk about for a lot of people. “It’s something two people do when they’re in love, behind closed doors”. That’s the message we always hear as children. In the media we get a very heteronormative and patriarchal story about what sex is supposed to be, so especially women and lgbtqia+ people don’t feel like they own they’re sexuality, because it’s such a taboo to talk about it, and there’s a lot of shame surrounding it. But sexuality is vital to empowerment, especially in feminine and queer people. No matter your cultural background, if sexuality hasn’t been addressed as a beautiful and important part of who you are, it is a missing link to step into your own personal power.
A great first step is to normalize the conversation. Use words like vagina, uterus and vulva. Understand your body and learn the names of your body parts. Talk about sex, in the right setting of course. If you’re close to someone, and you believe they care about you, like your friends, or perhaps even your family, sex shouldn’t feel like a taboo subject to talk about. Of course in some families this isn’t an option, but with your friends this should be okay! Also talk about negative experiences around sex, like sexual harassment and abortion. This is even harder but so important to heal, and it will most likely just bring you closer together.
Teach yourself to say no in everyday life. If you don’t want to do something and you’re not comfortable with something, don’t allow it. We teach young children to “give aunt Jessie a hug”, and even if the child is uncomfortable with it, we kind of psychologically force them to do it anyways, because it’s embarrassing not to. Don’t put yourself and others in those types of positions anymore, because now you’re older, you have control over it. Celebrate people’s ability to show their boundaries, even if it’s not beneficial to your needs.
Your sexuality is YOURS. Have confidence in your sexual organs. This sounds weird, I know, but a lot of people are embarrassed about their sexual parts. People with penises feel pressure to have a certain size, and instead focusing on pleasure, they focus on their size which doesn’t only make them insecure, it often also does’t give their partner a pleasurable experience either. If you want to read my opinion on wether “size matters”, you can read the Braincracking on that here. Also in the rare occasion vaginas are shown somewhere, for example in porn, it’s often the same kind of smooth, hairless vulva with a small and perfectly symmetrical labia minora. While this of course is really beautiful, every vulva is beautiful and unique. Grab a hand mirror and just look at your vulva, feel around and appreciate it. Don’t be embarrassed of it being different than what you think it’s supposed to look like.
Accepting your own sexuality is so important, explore what you like and don’t like, maybe you have certain kinks or fetishes. Awesome! Talk about it with people you might sleep with, if that’s something you do. Because it’s also perfectly okay to not be into sex at all! Be honest to yourself and others so you don’t put yourself in difficult positions to please someone else while endangering your own comfort.
And perhaps the most important part: don’t shame other people if their sexuality is different from yours. Maybe you like to keep your sexuality more private, and you don’t like showing too much skin, but someone else likes showing off more and is more outspoken about sex. Whether it’s the gender they’re attracted to, their preferred sexual acts or kinks, how they present themselves, it’s all okay, as long as it’s between consenting people of legal age. Understand that some people wear revealing clothes, or enjoy objectifying themselves in certain ways online. If it’s in a safe environment and it does’t endanger anyone, celebrate their pleasure and move on.
FEATURED PHOTO’S BY ALEXANDER SNEL
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